This is my Darkness
by tragicduck95
Summary: Chapter 4 is up! Is Allen really going insane? Can his friends save him from himself? Or will they have to save themselves from him? R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

Note: I do not own -Man or any of these characters! Katsura Hoshino does.

This story contains spoilers! Please don't read if you are going to get mad at me about that.

Also, if you don't like the idea of Allen going completely insane the I suggest you turn back now. Just thought I'd say this so I don't get a bunch of flamers. Enjoy!

This is my Darkness

Chapter 1

I've never really been afraid of being alone. I've been alone almost my whole life. I'm used to sleeping in the streets and only eating when I can find food. I tried doing odd-jobs for this really weird group that travels around the country, performing. I hadn't been with them for long and we were still in England. They weren't very nice though. I would never talk to any of them, I would just do my work and eat. I wasn't any trouble, or at least that's what I thought, but there were those who didn't. They tried to kill me because I was different. It wasn't my fault. I was born that way. That's when I met another man. I kneeled beside him and stared at the badly beaten dog before us.

"Is he…dead?" I asked him. He turned to me and replied, "Yes." I think that might have been the first time I cried in a long time.

"Aren't you sad?" I asked the man. It was his dog and I was the one crying. Apparently they were traveling performers. Cosmo had killed his dog because he was better than him. The same guy that tried to kill me.

"Yes I am. I can't cry though." He was still dressed like a clown. This irritated me a little.

"Why not?" He said that all his tears had dried up. I wondered about that. It didn't seem like something that could happen but I didn't ask any questions. I cried. The dog had been nice to me. He had licked my hand. It was so warm, something I had not felt before. He was the only one to not see me as a monster. Now he was dead and I cried for him.

"What's your name?" The man asked me.

"Don't have one." He paused to think for a moment.

"Then how about…Allen?" I looked up at him through my tears.

"What?" He smiled and laughed.

"Come on." He said and picked me up, placing me on his back.

'How can you be so nice to me? I'm a…monster." Or at least that's what everyone else called me. I was sure he had seen my left arm.

"That doesn't matter." Was the last thing he said.

This was Mana, my foster father. He took me in and gave me the name Allen. He was the nicest person I had ever met. I was with him for a while before he asked me about my age. I had never really thought about that. My parents had abandoned me when I was about five or six but I couldn't remember. Or I didn't want to. I guessed that I was about six.

It wasn't for six more years until Mana left me. I was overcome by sadness. He was the only one that cared about me. I wondered what I was going to do, I didn't have anyone anymore.

That's when he appeared. It seemed as if he had suddenly appeared behind Mana's tombstone. He leaned over and stared at me.

"Would you like me to revive Mana Walker for you?" he said in a surprisingly high voice.

Mana could come back? I was thrilled. I agreed with him and stood before the skeleton doll before me. I screamed his name and it suddenly came to life.

"Mana…" My eyes filled with tears again.

"Allen…" I stopped dead in my tracks. I had never heard Mana's voice like that before. It scared me.

"Allen! Why am I an Akuma? How could you do this! Curse you Allen Walker!" With saying this, he slashed me across the left eye with is hand sword. I heard the fat man behind me laugh. Then something happened that changed my life. I felt something inside of me. It was like a fierce anger that wasn't mine. Suddenly, my left arm exploded into a giant, metal, claw.

It started moving on its own and attacked Mana. We both screamed and in his last breath, Mana said to me, "Allen, I love you. Please destroy me." With that, my injured eye activated, letting me see Mana's soul. It was so twisted and full of pain that I almost threw up right then and there. I felt the wounds around my eye heal, but it left a scary, red, scar.

I destroyed Mana's Akuma. I didn't want to but my arm did it for me. After Mana was gone again, I was in shock so I just sat against his tombstone and wondered what had happened. My arm had returned to normal and the fat man had disappeared.

"Born with an Anti-Akuma weapon? What a sad fate." Startled, I looked up to see who had said that. Before me was a tall, red haired man with a strange red and white mask over the right side of his face.

"Do you wish to become an Exorcist?" he placed his hand on my shoulder. I was so confused and upset that I didn't care what happened anymore.

"Sure." I replied through my sobs.

General Cross Marian was his name and he became my master. He was the one who taught me how to fight. I promised to fight the Akuma, for Mana, the one I loved the most. What I didn't know is that Mana would soon become the one whom I hated the most. My name is Allen Walker and this is my darkness.

Warning: The next chapter gets really weird and creepy. Just so you know. This is rated T for lots of crazyness. This used to be rated for attempted suicide. But it's been so long since I've updated that I forgot why I had Allen try to kill himself. *Facepalm* ah, well. The plot I have in mind is still really interesting. =)


	2. Chapter 2

This is my darkness

Chapter 2

"Allen…Allen!" Lavi, the red haired exorcist of the black order, called my name. I didn't answer him, I was deep in thought.

"Allen!" he shouted and smacked is hand on the table in front of me. I jumped in surprise.

"What, What??" I shook my head and stared at him. He stared back at me with a concerned look.

"Why aren't you eating anything?" he asked. I then realized that I was sitting in the cafeteria, thinking. Lavi had been sitting with me for a while and I hadn't noticed him.

"Oh. Um I'm not…hungry." I started to get up but he grabbed my arm.

"Lavi?" I stared at him, "Let go please." I tried to break free of his grasp.

"Allen…ever since you talked to Cross about…you know…you've been so much different. Thant was two days ago and I don't think you've eaten anything! And that is NOT normal for you." He let up on his grasp a bit. I lowered my eyes and stared at the floor. I knew what he was talking about, my master had wanted to talk to me but for some reason, the put a restraint on my arm and dragged me there.

Master had told me about the ark and why I was the only one that could control it. He said that Mana had been a Noah and that I had the memories of his brother, the 14th. I was so confused and upset that I don't think I got much else of what he said. Except that I would have to kill someone I loved.

"Hey!" A voice came from behind me. It was Reever.

"Komui wants to see you, Allen." He patted me on the back and walked on. He seemed really stressed, I wondered what was up.

'_Thank you!' _I thought. This had gotten me out of explaining to Lavi. I turned back to him and shrugged. He sighed then walked away. I watched him for a moment before I made my way to Komui's office.

"Ugh, I can't believe this." I pushed my hair off my forehead, "This is all so stupid. I don't believe…well I do believe master but…I can't believe this." I stopped. _'Oops…I hope no one saw me talking to myself.'_ I thought then continued walking but stopped when something caught my eye. Something black and slimy retreated from my view and slithered behind a wall. I froze. _'What was that? Should I…naw I'll just leave it. I don't want to know anyway.'_

Once I arrived in Komui's office, I decided that I wasn't going to tell him about the slimy, slithering creature. He might've thought I was crazy. He looked up from his work and smiled at me.

"Ah, Allen. Please have a seat." He nodded towards the large couch in front of his desk. I sat down and stared at him, now wondering what this was about.

"Allen...in the past couple of days, you haven't really been yourself. Now I know…"

I groaned and rolled my eyes, sinking into the couch as he went on about me not acting 'normal'.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I shrugged. _'As if they already don't already know.'_ Komui sighed and toyed with a pen on his desk.

"I heard everything Cross said to you about Mana." I looked up. "I'm really sorry, but you're going to have to except it and..." I was about to say something when I felt something wet on my hand. I jerked and slowly turned to see what it was. A black slimy tentacle was crawling over the edge of the couch. I gasped and jumped to the other side of the couch.

"Allen? What's wrong?" Komui stood up out of his chair and leaned towards me. I looked back at the edge of the couch but it had disappeared. I shook my head and blinked.

"Um…nothing. I have to um…" I tried to find an excuse. I had nothing. Komui stared at me with concern, "Allen?" he repeated. I stared at him for a moment then jumped up and ran out of his office. I ran as fast as I could to my room and burst through the door. I slammed it behind me and leaned against it, sliding down until I hit the floor.

"Oh my god…" I covered my face with my hands.

"What ever is the matter?" A familiar but uninviting voice came from across the room. I peeked through my fingers at the mirror sitting against the wall beside me. The 14th grinned and laughed at me from it. I choked.

"L-leave me alone!" I tried to scream but it came out as a whisper. He kept grinning at me. Suddenly his image began to melt and twist. I slowly crawled backwards to the other side of my room as he morphed into a large, black, slimy creature with long, wet tentacles. I was too scared to scream. I backed up until I hit the wall. The creature knocked on the glass until it shattered and began to proceed forward. Towards me.

"St-stay back!" I managed to get out. I pulled my knees up to my chest and held them, shaking.

"Stay away…" Then I started to cry. Tears rolled down my face as I watched it inch towards me, leaving a trail of black slime behind it. I screamed.

"Aaaahhhhhhhh! Nooooooooo!" I screamed and clutched tightly at my legs, curling myself into a tight ball. I buried my face in my knees and sobbed, to scared to do anything. The creature reached out towards me and grabbed my arm. I screamed again and it screamed back at me, "Allen!!"


	3. Chapter 3

"Allen! Get a hold of yourself!" Lavi was there, shaking me. I gasped and looked up at him.

"Lavi?" I blinked a few times, just to make sure he wouldn't disappear or turn into some octopus of death or something. He stayed as Lavi. I took a shuddering breath and combed the hair out of my eyes with my hand, "Whoa..." I whispered.

"What the heck is wrong with you? I saw you running. You looked pretty freaked out, so I came here to talk to you. And then I find you, sitting on the floor and screaming! Don't say, 'nothing,' this time, because I _know_ something's up." He sat back and waited for a response.

"I don't know what to tell you." I sighed. Suddenly, I felt very tired. Looking over at the mirror, I saw that it had not shattered, and there was no black slime on the floor.

"Well, tell me something." He said, almost pleading.

I stared at him for a long couple of seconds, "Lavi, do you think I'm crazy?"

"No. Why? Should I?"

"I don't know…I," I stopped. Did I really want to tell him? He _would _think I was crazy if I did, "I don't want you to think I'm crazy."

"Allen, I would never." He smiled softly.

"Really? No matter what I tell you, you won't?"

He shook his head. I sighed and told him about the black creature I had been seeing.

"I _really _thought it was going to hurt me." I said.

"Allen," Lavi paused, searching for something to say, "I think you are very stressed, and very tired. This is all probably just getting to your head."

I nodded, "Yeah, maybe." Maybe I wasn't going crazy after all.

Lavi looked up at a clock hanging on my wall, "It's really late, you should probably get some sleep. Things will be better tomorrow."

I frowned; I didn't want him to leave. I was afraid that creature would come back, "Please don't leave me." I pleaded.

Lavi patted my arm, "I have work to do for the Old Man tonight, but I'll stay until you fall asleep, ok?"

I nodded. It was better than nothing.

I must have been very tired. It couldn't have been more than ten minutes after I laid down that I fell asleep.

I awoke, to the feeling if something crawling on me. Panicking, I sat up, only to find that it was Timcampy.

"Oh, Tim," I put a hand over my racing heart, "You scared me." Timcampy fluttered his wings in response. I smiled a bit, "How'd you get in here? The door is…closed." Looking over at the door, I saw that it wasn't closed. I swallowed; hopefully, Lavi had just forgotten to close it.

Minutes later, I was dressed and had made my way to the cafeteria. Today, I actually felt like eating. I said good morning to Jerry and ordered my abundance of food. Balancing the tower of plates in my hands, I walked to a table and sat down. Only a split-second later, I was joined by Lenalee.

"Hi, Allen!" she exclaimed, scaring me. I almost chocked on my food.

"Hey, Lenalee. What's up?"

"Nothing much, just the usual. Errands to run, Komui's explosive messes to clean up. I'm lucky I even get a lunch break!" she laughed. Lunch. I must have slept longer than I thought.

"What about you? You seem a lot less tired than yesterday." She said.

I hadn't recalled seeing Lenalee yesterday, "I'm not as tired. I feel a lot better today."

"That's good." She smiled. I blushed slightly. I seemed to do that every time she smiled.

Lunch went on and Lenalee and I talked, mostly about things that weren't important. Soon, she finished eating and left, claiming she had work to do. I sat quietly, alone. Besides Timcampy of course, who kept trying to take my food.

A full belly later, I found myself wandering the halls of the Black Order. Lavi was busy, Lenalee was busy and I certainly wasn't going to hang out with Kanda. It seemed as if everyone else had something to do.

"Maybe I should start volunteering to do work around here. Nothing else to do." I thought to myself.

Somehow, I had made it back to my room. The door was open again. Surely, this was not a mistake, for I had made sure it was closed. And locked. My heart started to race. From where I was standing, I couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. Slowly, I walked into the room. I looked around, nothing was misplaced and there wasn't anyone there. I plucked Timcampy off my shoulder and set him in my hand.

"I wonder why my door keeps opening its self, Tim." I sighed, "Do you think-"

A hand reached from behind me and grasped my head, holding my mouth shut. I was so surprised, that I dropped Timcampy.

"Do as I say, and you won't get hurt."

Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I actually sopped writing this. I had no intention of finishing it. Then, I read a few fics where the writer had done this. Wrote a few chapters, and then stopped. That really angers me, because usually, they are very great stories. Then I thought, I'm doing that, aren't I? I should probably finish my fanfiction about Allen. I've been bored lately so ah, what the heck. I'll continue writing. =)


	4. Chapter 4

This is My Darkness

Chapter Four

Surprised and angered, I activated my anti-akuma weapon to attack whoever it was that was attacking me. To my surprise and terror, it did nothing. I screamed under the person's hand, which came out as a mumbled cry. The person chuckled and began to drag me towards the mirror. I struggled and kicked in protest but this person was very strong and I could do nothing. I dug my nails into their hand in a feeble attempt to escape.

"It's no use, boy." They said and continued toward the mirror.

My mind was racing. I was very terrified. Not much about being kidnapped, but of the mirror. The mirror had done strange things to me in the past couple of days. I was scared to even look at it. Now, the person had touched the mirror and it rippled like a pond. Suddenly more afraid than I ever had been before, I stopped struggling without knowing it. My only reaction after that was a small tear escaping my eye as we both disappeared through the mirror.

The next thing I knew, I was being thrown into what seemed like a jail cell and my wrists were being bound with chains

"What did you do to my anti-akuma weapon? Why won't it work!" I was beginning to shake. Wherever I was, it was cold, dark and lonely. "Answer me!"

The person did not answer, he didn't even look at me. I could now see that it was a man, though I had no idea who it was. I kept flipping through my memory files to try to remember, but he was nowhere in there. The man was tall and dark. That was about all I could make out.

"Hey!" I shouted as he locked the door, or gate as it looked like, and walked away. "Hey!"

He did not answer. I waited for a few seconds, half expecting him to return. When he did not, I suddenly felt very insecure. I brought my knees up to my chest and placed my bound hands over them. Looking around, all I could see was darkness. It made me very scared, and realize I was totally alone. I rested my chin on my knees and closed my eyes, imagining I was somewhere else.

* * *

Clang! Clang!

I must have dosed off, I was awoken to the sound of something hitting metal. At first when I opened my eyes, I could still only see darkness. But then, as my eyes adjusted, I saw something move. It moved in a strange was like it was crawling….slithering. I gasped in horror. That octopus thing was back. I tried desperately to slip out of my chains, but doing so only made my wrists bleed slightly. The tentacle monster put its slimy arms through the bars and reached towards me. I screamed in terror.

"No stay away from me! Somebody help me! Lavi…Lenalee…Master!" I could feel tears flowing freely from my eyes as I tried once again to activate my innocence but could not. I had no way to protect myself. The creature seemed too big to fit through the bars but it managed to shift its mass around to enable it to slide through. I did what I could to scoot away from the beast but soon hit my back against a cold, stony wall. Fear rippled through my body as it inched closer. I couldn't move, I couldn't scream.

The monster made a strange bubbling noise and a slit opened on its body. It looked like a mouth. Teeth lined the entire opening and a weird looking tongue laid in it. It's tongue extended from its mouth. It was quite long. So long, that it hit me from where I was cowering at least three feet away. A small whimper escaped my mouth as the creature's tongue wrapped around my wrist. It slipped under the chains that were already tight enough and squeezed it. Then, _another _tongue flew from its mouth and grabbed my other wrist. I couldn't help but cry out in pain as blood began to pour from my veins. For some reason, the creature was sucking the blood from my wrists.

Soon I felt like I was falling. The darkness around me became thicker until it engulfed me completely. I closed my eyes and welcomed it. As I slipped into unconsciousness, I thought I could hear a voice calling my name. One that I recognized. It kept getting clearer and clearer until I really thought I was hearing it. My eyes shot open to see Lenalee standing in front of me. I figured out that I was laying down. I tried to sit up to ask her why she was _crying _but as I did so, something slipped from my hand. My eyes trailed down to the floor to see a blood covered knife.

Lenalee ran out of my room screaming something as I really fell into a dark sleep.

* * *

"Allen…"

A distant voice called to me.

"Allen, can you hear me?" this time it was clearer.

I clenched my eyelids even though they were already shut. "Yeah…" I whispered.

It was silent for a while. "Good."

I opened my eyes and tilted my head to the side. "Master?" I could see him clearly. Behind him looked like a medical cart and some sort of white sheet hanging from the ceiling. It took me a moment to realize where I was. "Why…Why am I in the hospital."

"You tried to kill yourself."

"What?" I sat straight up but Master pushed me back down. I laid there for a few seconds, my mind swirling. I shuffled my arms out from under the covers and took a look at my wrists. They were covered in bandages. "I….I didn't."

"Allen…" Master leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "Lenalee found you with gashes in your wrists and a knife in your hand."

"But I….I don't remember doing that." I placed my hand on my forehead but it hurt my wrist so I put it back down. Master stared at me for a long time. I finally said, "I was attacked…by a dark creature with tentacles. It did this to me. I didn't."

Master's expression changed and he looked away. Then, he got up.

"M-master where are you going? Please don't leave, it might come back!"

But he was already gone.

* * *

Hey there! Sorry for the late update haha I seem to do that alot. At least I do update ok? DX Anyway, enjoy!


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